Unspoken rules of public transport etiquette

Because most people need a reminder now and then (yes that includes me)

If you have been sitting smugly in your own tiny seat the entire journey, when the bus/train hits the last stop where everyone has to slowly alight, YOU YES YOU, the one who has been keeping the seat warm for 45 minutes, hang on to your damn ass and let the ones standing alight FIRST.
You got that? Good. Because let mama remind you honey, if you have been sitting down the whole damn way, there is no chance in hell you get to swing by me first to get down. Have some decent decency and courtesy to let the ones standing, swinging around by the pole and knee jerking every time the bus brakes, get down first, it is only fair.
I don’t know how important you are or where you got to be rushing out like that but cutting in front of everyone to alight first is not going to save you 2 hours of time, maximum I will give you is 2 minutes. If you are late, you are already late and you are not the only person having to go somewhere, WE ALL GOT TO BE SOME PLACE. So be patient and sit your ass down.

Just in case, you lost all the good manners your parents teach you or you might have left your manners at home beside the umbrellas by your front door, if you see someone in dire and in more need, give your seat up, sincerely of course. Or you can be the dick and just pretend to be asleep.

If you are wondering if the woman is pregnant or not, my advise to you is stop guessing and stop staring at someone’s belly. That is invasive and just plain rude. By the time you finish guessing, everyone will have reach their destination. Just have some plain common sense and offer out of doubt, if you wish. The onus will then be on them. Either way. just be nice.

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Just for the record, I know, illness and ailments are inevitable. Like sneezing and coughing in the winter months, I get it, there is no way around it. You just have too. But will you just keep it to yourself, already?

I have men coughing out loud into the air in a bloody bus. Who are you blessing up there, child? Cover your mouth or put your face down into the crook of your arm when you sneeze and if one catches you off guard, say SORRY to your poor public transport neighbors!! If you are sniffling, do have a piece of tissue handy and blow that damn nose. If you have a tickly throat, bring a small water bottle or suck on a lozenges. We do not want to hear your new sniffles feat cough remixes early in the morning, DJ Khaled is not going to sign you up, so just stop.

Also, if someone is very sick near you in your public transport, giving them death stares won’t help. Staring at that certain someone will not make them less sick or make you less vulnerable to the millions of germs floating around. You can do what I do, I pretend to clear my throat 5 notches louder than usual, and this usually gets everyone in check.

I don’t know about you but 99% of me being sick is from the buses I take and again I reiterate, I know it’s inevitable but surely we can all be more civilized people when sharing that much of a space. When I get sick, I make my work peeps sick and it takes a bloody long time to get back on my feet and resuming normal routine.

So please people, don’t be nasty, thanks but I really don’t want your germs.

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Sure, you need to be on the damn phone. Go on, answer that call. But trust me when I say this, I really do not care one bit what Aunty Joanna thinks of your sister’s new boyfriend or what your new colleague is wearing last Wednesday? Everyone talks on the phone, some just talk way louder and longer on it. Keep it to a minimum, there are 20 people around you at a finger’s distance and we do not want to share your humor on a joke your caller is telling you because guess what, we don’t care.

I rarely get calls when I am commuting but when I do, I will always not answer or tell my caller I will return the call as soon as I get off the public transport. Because if it is not urgent, why will you want others to hear in on your chats anyway? Unless you DO want people to hear in on your call. You attention seeker! Pfft.

And oh, do not get me started on people who abhorrently facetime/video chat with their party of 5 friends from their village. If you catch me staring at you from the back of your head, it is not because I am so desperately interested to see your celebrity friends on your phone screen, it is because your convo about who is bringing what to your garage party that weekend is so annoyingly loud, people from the next suburb can hear you. FML!

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This is my biggest public transport turn off. I personally find people who do this at the very top of my YOU-ARE-SO-RUDE-YOU-GOT-TO-GO list.

When you are sharing a seat with someone, try as you might, keep your feelings to yourself. The seat is only as such. If you know you cannot squeeze onto a seat, then for the love of God, don’t. Do not come in and slam your tush into a small seat and make it as such that I am that big of a person, so much so that you do not have enough space. Tough luck, friend! If you do not have space, stand the fuck up and let the next person sit. Do not wriggle uncomfortably, make grunting sounds and adjust yourself every 3 seconds. It is not my bloody problem that half of your butt is hanging out.

Also, if anyone comes sit with you, please don’t put your finger to your nose or pretend to rub your nose like as if he/she is trash. Even if your neighbour is smelly as a rotten rat, have more decorum and don’t act like as if you are Chanel no. 5. Be more classy and have compassion-you never know what he/she was up to or have been through, suck it up and hold your breath, it is a bus/train ride, not a 22 hour flight across the world.

If you want a more comfortable all-exclusive first class seat, then take the bloody cab.

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WHOAH, do I sound angry or what? Guys, all of you agree with everything I just said, don’t pretend like you are not-I am just the one blogging it down. Lol

But I get it, it is not all bad. I count my blessings every single time I get up on a moderately empty bus, or when I get a friendly driver and if the journey is comfortable and safe. I am grateful for minor wins.

There are some people who I also completely do not mind:
* Ladies who do their makeup in public transport
(you do you boo, I know we all have limited time in the morning, just wait for the bus stops to get that eyeliner on, though)

*Mothers who have to shush their noisy child
(completely get that, the loins of your life is crying)

*Sleeping people who are also the one ones who end up on your padded shoulder (I get it, you are tired and you did not get much hours to sleep in last night, there you can rest your little head on mama)

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What are your public transport irks? More importantly, what can you do or be to be a better commuter on your next ride? Are you mindful to give up your seat to someone who is more in need or to give way so that the person standing beside you has an equally more space? Some will say that they don’t care because you don’t know these people anyways, like “I will not see X,Y, Z tomorrow so let me just sneeze at the back of your neck.” Are you one of those or you can be a better person than that?

Remember folks. Be gracious, be kind and behave like a civilized human for after all, you are in a public transport and not your own damn sports car.

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